one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
