I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
