went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
