i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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