I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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