Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
