you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
