I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize