oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
