If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
