you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
