I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
