please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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