So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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