If i come over, it means nothing
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
