I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
