Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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