I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
