he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
