I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
