Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
