I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
