y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
