I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
