How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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