I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Someone shattered a urinal.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
