in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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