I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
