i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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