Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
