apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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