Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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