So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
