after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
