HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
