at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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