I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
