Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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