Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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