Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
