but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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