Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
