Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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