This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
