Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
