He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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