Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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