tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
