Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
