i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
