dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
