stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
