I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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