Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
In America we eat man semen.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
