return my video game
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
