This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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