I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
