i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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