look no pants
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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