can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
