I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
