im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize