Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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