Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
