I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize