If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
