awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
