worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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