well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
