how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
