Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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