My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize