Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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