and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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