Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
