I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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