I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
