He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
