2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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