everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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