You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
